This rant is about the sudden changes and unexpected happenings that simultaneously crept the f*ck up on me to ruin my life. I guess I always expected aging to be this slow and gradual process, or at least that's what it seemed to be when watching my parents and grandparents grow old! At 31 years old, I'm surprised to find myself working so feverishly to battle the signs of aging as well as dealing with the unwelcome changes that this young lady was not warned about and therefore, unprepared for. Behold, my two biggest enemies that make me think WTF happened to me???
#1 - Adult Acne
What. The. Fuck. That is the best way I can describe the feeling one gets, when one goes to sleep one night, (with what they would consider perfect skin) and wakes up with skin that looks like it was exchanged with that of a 13 year old with raging and unbalanced hormones! HOW in the hell does this happen to a 31 year old who NEVER EVER had a problem with acne in their life?!?!
I did tons of research on things that could cause acne like this to show up all of a sudden and performed the following actions: disinfected my cell phone, my work phone, began changing my pillow cases every other day, bought all new makeup brushes that I clean regularly, changed my makeup brands, drank ridiculous amounts of water, started taking vitamins, and stayed away from greasy/fried foods and NOTHING was making it any better!
I began getting 1-2 really aggressive (and EXPENSIVE) facials every month and succumbed to purchasing every type of cleanser, exfoliator, and oil free moisturizer that was recommended to me with hopes of getting my old complexion back, but no such luck. I saw a dermatologist who told me to stay out of the sun, prescribed me with different topical antibiotics and retin-a, and told me that maybe in three months, my skin would show improvement and get better.
MAYBE?!?! You would think that in 2010, the technology and science would have developed a simple cure for acne, but noooooooo, that is NOT the case! It's been 3 months since I've been using antibiotics and topical creams and while I notice a bit of an improvement, I'm still seriously depressed that my best face is not what I am putting forward.
In addition to losing self confidence, it sucks that now I have to wear full foundation, concealer, and powder in order for me to look somewhat presentable. I'm now super self conscious about my skin and pretty much refuse to go out au natural these days. Even if my skin eventually clears up, I'm stuck with horrible acne scars from all of the breakouts I've had this year.
I did NOT sign up for this...
#2 - Going Gray
At my age, the only thing I expect to turn gray is the color of water in the hot tub, post-frolicking! Of course I expect to find a gray hair here or there, that's natural, right? I'd say in the past few years I have discovered no more than 3 of those silver strands, which were promptly plucked out upon discovery and forgotten about...until now! What's baffling is how I went from 3 gray hairs to 300 gray hairs, practically overnight! I'm thinking it's possible I had them all along but just never noticed. For the past 5 years, my hair color has been highlighted with different shades of blond, and as soon as the roots began to show, I was back in my colorists chair for more highlights. Is it possible that my grays were camouflaged by blond highlights and therefore I never noticed??
This past May I was feeling emo and needing a change, so I decided to color my hair a very dark shade of brown, which I have been LOVING all year! This summer, when randomly looking in the mirror I noticed the light catching strands of light colored hair on my head...and upon closer inspection, I realized that I have sporadic strands of gray hair ALL OVER my head! Not just an inch of colorless gray root either, we're talking entire strands! From the root-to-ends that are gray!
How is that even possible when I'm getting my hair colored regularly? Does the color just wash off of gray hairs after a few weeks? I just don't understand what is going on here, my parents barely have any gray hairs, I'm without a doubt getting J-O-O'd on the good genes that keep my hair from going gray! Hmmm I wonder if the fact that I have a job and WORK (unlike my parents) has anything to do with it. Could stress be ruining my follicles?
Now I find myself TOTALLY OBSESSING over gray hair all the time! I've stopped plucking them out because it looks ridiculous when they are sticking straight up at 2 inches long and gray on the top of my head! Everytime I use the bathroom at Lilo's house, (she has SUPER BRIGHT lighting) I find myself combing through my hair (fine tooth style as if I'm searching for lice) in search of new gray hairs! When I meet my friends for dinner or drinks, the 1st thing I do is point out my gray hairs and start discussing what I should do next. I don't know why I feel the need to point them out, maybe just so they know that I know they are there and if I make a joke about it first, then it takes the sting out or something.
A few weeks ago, my friend Newman and I went into his bathroom together and pointed out our grays to each other in hopes of feeling better about it, is this really what I'm doing now? Hanging out in bathrooms pointing out my imperfections? It's basically taking over my life and I see no signs of it letting up. In fact, I think they are spreading like wildfire! I just got my hair colored again 2 weeks ago and asked my colorist what I should do, or better yet what SHE could do to make them less noticeable! She said "It's funny how you notice 1-10 of them and get used to knowing they are there, so you continue coloring your hair regularly to cover them. Then one day, all of a sudden, you wake up and see that you have PATCHES of gray hair all over!"
And it's true, one day I woke up and looked at my hair while in Lilo's bathroom under the spotlight, and sure enough I have patches of gray. FML! What can I do?? Well, for one I will thank God for inventing laser hair removal because I would have FREAKED the F*CK out if I ever looked down and saw a gray pube! At least I have THAT under control...for now!
Seriously though, I did NOT sign up for this shit to start happening to me at 31 years old! What else is there to come? Thankfully, I'm still relatively wrinkle-free but I'm stressin at the next change to happen and ruin my looks! Am I overreacting? What do the rest of you do to pause the aging process and not have meltdowns like I am having??