A Messtastic Evening

Last night the wheels came off, again.

...Oh yeah and I GOT LAID!

Lilo and I went to the Parleezy to watch the Laker game and scout for new boys who we could draft to play for OUR TEAM. During the playoffs there is no better scouting location than sports bars ;)

We got there early and were good and drunk by the time the game began. Finally the game starts and we told these two boys they could sit with us since the place was packed and we were bogarting seats. One of them was Mexican the other was a random white boy baseball fan. We drank with them and had a blast and then find out that the Mexican is a USC Med Student. I'm a beaner, but I am not attracted to other beaners. I don't know what it is. I'm racist against my own people.

So Lilo goes home because she had a final exam to take at 8am, leaving me alone with the two boys. Wheels are still somewhat in tact until... I somehow decide that making out with the Med Student in public is appropriate. I'm definitely NOT one who participates in PDA! I also don't make out with Mexicans, but apparently I do if they are USC Med Students (or lying liars who lie about things like that to pick up chicks in high end sports bars). That goes on for a while and he tells me he is going outside to smoke, I tell him I'm going to join him but need to make a trip to the ladies room. Well, there was a really long line for the ladies room and I decided I didn't want to wait in it. I also decided that I needed to get the hell out of the Parlor and stop making out with Mexicans which meant I needed to find a way to ditch the guys. I knew I couldn't just say I was leaving because they would talk me out of it...so I made a break for the emergency exit and left through the back door.

I made it to the car unnoticed but still REALLY had to pee. I drove my car to a dark Santa Monica street that looked perfect for me to cop a squat. Problem was, I couldn't really hold the squat together in heels and I worried about peeing on myself. I decided to play it safe and sit bare-assed on the curb while pissing into the gutter. LOL - I know TMI.

A call was immediately placed to Stiletto, no one appreciates a tale of Med Student makeouts, curb peeing, and general Messtastic behavior quite like her. She accompanied me to the gas station and then I got a GRAND PHONE CALL!

My long-term booty call hits me up and asks me to come,cum over! Last time I saw him was in September at the Feast of San Gennaro where I met his 21 year old girlfriend who served my friends and I meatballs. Is she out of the picture? Who knows and I certainly don't care, I'm about to get laid FINALLY! I tell him I was on my way and that I needed to take a quick shower when I got there (remember, I sat bare-assed on the curb to pee.)

I am psyched and probably have never been THAT excited to bone! The bonus news was that I knew it was going to be done right. It wasn't going to be one of those getting to know you bones where you are not exactly sure what the other one likes. Then I start to get paranoid, I mean I haven't had sex in longer than I care to admit or believe. Am I going to know what I'm doing? Do I still know how to beat it up? SOMEONE FUCKING SLAP THE STUPIDITY OUT OF ME! It's like riding a bike, albeit a bike with no handlebars or wheels in the condition I'm in.

I got there and it was on! After a quick shower I emerged nekkid and ready to go. I didn't know what to do or where to begin, it was like sitting down to brunch at the St. Regis and not knowing what to eat first. It was GLORIOUS and very very hectic. Both of us were pretty buzzed, we had to stop a number of times because we were both rather enthusiastic and kept ending up 1/2 way off the bed! You know how the smack it up, flip it, rub it down goes. I'm basking in post bone glow today and it has been FAR TOO LONG!

I went home, vom'd, and passed the fuck out. Woke up this morning dying of thirst and dehydration. I decided to slam a coke zero to the dome. My stomach didn't like that too much and I vom'd that up. Something I noticed was that my coke zero was still fizzy and carbonated once it hit the toilet (in case anyone was wondering...) I wonder if I need to just cut Coke Zero out of my life, it seems to cause problems for me at work and home lol. It was NOT pleasant having to be at work today. I had a gnarly headache and just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. What really helped my headache was when I turned on my car this morning and the spearkers were BLARING "Can we" by SWV & Missy Elliott. It was rough.

I'm back and I rule. It's about time.