FINALLY!!!

I. FINALLY. GOT. LAID.

Thank you sweet baby Jesus! Hallelujah! Praise the good Lord...AND THE FRENCH! It's been so long that I almost forgot what post-bone-glow looked like and how GOOD IT LOOKS ON ME! I was really worried that I was going to be celibate but NOT by choice for a year or more! It really seemed like it was never going to happen. Now that it has, I can relax and not worry so much about it, seriously it was psyching me out and I think it was counter productive to actually getting laid. I can't believe how wound up I have been for the past 7 months and how much better everything is once you are able to just release all that pent up frustration! Whew! I am back in the saddle and the best way to describe my feeling now is Irie mon. And normally, I'm only Irie when I'm home in Jamaica.

I owe it all to my favorite video game, Guitar Hero...or rather our new take on the game 'Strip Guitar Hero' which sounds like a real glor idea when you're really intoxicated. The Frenchies are good at coming up with things that involve stripping and it just sounds so much better in zee accent.

We started out pre-drinking and playing Rock Band with the boys, then headed out for dinner at Katsuya which consisted of two huge bottles of cold sake and a large Asahi each for me and Lilo, oh ya and some sushi. We were having a sexually charged conversation and of course dome was brought up, and the Frenchies didn't know what dome meant. Well, thank God we were there to teach them and let them know our slang for it! They were so excited that they referred to it as their 'Word of the day' because everyday they try to have a 'Word of the day' to use. It was so great, they were even trying to figure out how to incorporate that word to apply to the 69 position and said "That must be zee DOUBLE DOME!"

Lilo and I looked at each other and said "THAT IS SO GLOR! DOUBLE DOME? What is better than DOUBLE the DOME!?!

I don't know how sake affects you guys, but it has be known to CREEP up on me and Lilo and get us REALLY FADED like 30 minutes after drinking it, and that's exactly what happened when we got back to the Frenchie's apt. We decided we had had enough of Rock Band and decided to rock out with our fave, Guitar Hero. Somehow or another we felt the need (and by "we" I mean "they" the Frenchies) to make it a bit more interesting. So we were battling each other and whomever had a lower score on the song had to remove an article of clothing. Obviously that wasn't getting the job done quick enough with people removing belts and watches, so we then moved up to playing for specific articles of clothing such as: If I win, he removes pants and shirt and if he wins, he gets my chonies...

What sort of IDIOT bets her chonies that she will beat a guy who PLAYS the guitar in a real life heavy/speed metal band? Yes, THAT would be me --> she who ONLY plays GH on medium and considers herself an "expert" at "medium". Needless to say, I FAILED...and he won the panties. Somewhere around this same time, Lilo and Yann went to the bedroom to play a little strip blackjack, strictly to brush up on skills because the Frenchies are going to Vegas tomorrow.

This is when the details get a little fuzzy...

I'm not sure how it began but, I was hooking up with the one boy in the kitchen while there was another guy in the living room solo. Things must have started to progress to the point where I didn't want to be around the other guy who was just playing GH by himself since there were no other girls, like the way I made the odds work in our favor? So, I decided I would drag the kid I was hooking up with to the bedroom (where Lilo and Yann were) and I really didn't think it would be an issue to just sort of take the floor area. Well - WRONG!

I don't remember a whole lot but we left the room and then the living room guy went for a drive or something. Me and the boy started hooking up on the couch and....

*cringe + shudder*

Lilo and Yann walked in.

May or may not have seen me getting some dome zee French way.

I know, VOM.

So Lilo left, Yann walked her out I think, and me and the other boy went to the bedroom and handled the business.

There is pretty much NOTHING HOTTER than having sex with a boy who is speaking French to you while lightly pulling on your hair. Needless to say, I'm a big fan of zee French way.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

When Did Scamming Become Making Out?

Remember in 6th and 7th grade when you used to play 'Spin the Bottle' or '7 Minutes in Heaven' at parties? Where you would get locked in a closet with a member of the opposite sex for a few minutes and you would "scam"? It never used to be called making out. There were straight scamming parties and that's the type of action we had and the way we used to get said action. You would go to a party at a friend's house and have a planned scam for the night, said scam would be arranged via 16 of your closet friends, 75 notes passed in between classes, and multiple 3-way-calls where your friends would find out whether the scammee(?) was interested while you were listening in with your phone muted on their call.

Things were so easy back then...unless of course your mom picked up the phone and yelled something about getting off the phone. Moms always find ways to burn you out on things like that, why is that?

Last night about 30 of my friends got together for our annual friends Thanksgiving deal. While we were cooking we started talking about my Saturday night and the whole scamming bit came back to us. It was so funny to hear us reminisce about scamming and the way we used it in conversation. People used to scam him, bust a scam on her, things would be getting serious if they were scamming at every party. It was just so funny! I wonder when it went from scamming to making out? I say we bring back scamming, I'll start with my Saturday night.

Saturday night: We started out with dinner at Fogo de Chao for my Roomie's birthday. All you can eat meat is NOT condusive to looking skinny and/or pretty but it's what the hardest working trainer in LA wanted so we went there. Lilo turned white as a ghost at dinner and my ex-boyfriend Skipper took her back to his place in Hollywood so she could rest while we finished our evening. I will also note that Skip has a tempurpedic mattress like me and he did double check with Lilo as to whether she had any issues "peeing" in beds and things, to which she replied that I would vouch for her. Skip then offered Lilo some Absinthe, just in case she needed to hallucinate while feeling like shit. My ex-boyfriend is a good man, lol. He left Lilo at his place and joined the crew at Citizen Smith where everyone else was meeting to celebrate the birthday.

Along with the usual suspects at Citizen Smith, there were a few newbies. Remember the cute French boy Yann who showed us around Paris last month? Well he is in town visiting and we invited him and his friends to the bar to drink and party with us. It was a lot of fun, everyone was in the same place drinking and I had to entertain 4 French boys, POOR ME!!! After many drinks and much flirting, my client JJ (the French guy who lives in LA and hooked Lilo and I up with Yann) decided to kick things up a notch and wanted to teach me about "Zee French Way."

Zee French Way is something zee Lilo and zee Ringleader didn't get zee taste of in Paree. We FAILED at hooking up with boys out there. For a culture that supposedly treats sex as no big deal like we personally do, we found it hard to just make it happen out there - although we DID try!

So JJ goes on to ask if I ever had zee French kiss with zee real French guy to which I responded that NO because that which is zee Ringleader, FAILED! So he says well, you have 4 French guys here right now and I think it is zee time, so let's do this. Now, I should let you know that I talk a big game but when it comes down to it, I actually get embarrassed when told to do something like kiss this guy or that guy. I usually like to get drunk so these things just naturally happen. So of course when JJ tells me to handle the French guys I have to up the ante and say things like "All four of you, I mean yeah? Who wouldn't want to kiss you boys?"

And JJ called bullshit. Next thing you know, I was pointed in the direction of JJ's cousin for my 1st real French kiss. I am NEVER the girl making out tongue down the throat of guys in bars and clubs, it's just NOT ME. So I went for it and it was good, the boys were so cute and thank God I was buzzed. At this point I could just FEEL every single one of my friends looking at me from behind and I really didn't want to turn around and then JJ says "Ok, I am next." And next he was, great! Now I'm making out with clients and multiple guys who are all seemingly OKAY with what I would call sloppy seconds! I later learn that this is zee French way, sloppy seconds and all, the French just want some action and they don't care who may or may not have been involved in said action.

Good God! I realized that not only am I making out with boys in front of all my friends in a PDA nightmare being THAT girl, but let's not forget that SKIP my ex-boyfriend was there and well this is "weird" seeing his ex jumping guy to guy like some whore. But what could I do about it? I mean, there was still cutie patootie Yann left to kiss so FUCK IT! 3rd time is the charm, right? It was hot.

Next JJ asked me who was the best French kisser. God I was so embarrassed, I think I just said they were all great and I needed to think about it. Eeeeek! Needless to say, it was all equally great and fun and yay go me! I so needed something like this!

I also found out that Yann was pretty upset that Lilo was NOT there. We found out after we returned from Paris that Yann wanted a piece of the Lilo and he for sure thought that was going down Saturday night but Lilo got sick and well what can you do other than offer yourself up as a substitute? Ha ha. Good thing we have a date with the Frenchies tomorrow night, we will need to make up for it!

Zee Ringleader wants to see more of zee French way.

Investing in 5 Letters

As we all know, our economy is in the toilet. I didn't want to look, but when I did, I noticed that my 401k plan is down something like 35% - nearly HALF of my retirement savings are GONE! Luckily, I'm young and everyone keeps saying how you just have to ride it out. Like a bad relationship just RIDE IT OUT and my money will magically reappear when the market fixes itself. You know things always fix themselves - in fact I just know that when I don't pay my bills my credit will just fix itself right along with the economy!

What the FUCK.

I don't know dick about investing or portfolios and while we're on the topic, I'm really not known for my ability to do this thing called saving. I'm much more of a spender, in fact for you savey type people, feel free to inquire within if you need any help spending any money. I'm award winning and certified.

In fact, I just came to a very important realization regarding my spending habits and it turns out that I actually did something right and items I purchased have actually APPRECIATED! And what items were those?

HANDBAGS.

My most favoritest things in the whole wide world that make me more happy than anything could ever make me happy. Handbags with names just 5 letters long (and one of these days I intend on buying a vowel to upgrade to the 6 letters such as Hermes and Chanel). I don't know what is going on but, nearly every handbag I own and use on the regular has increased HUNDREDS of dollars in price. Now, I wonder why the hell I wasn't investing in handbags and 5 lettered items, sitting on them, and then selling them a few years later for HUGE profits?

Hmmmm, because I have no self control and could not imagine buying handbags and just looking at them in my closet. I would feel so bad for my dear Louis and Fendi who are stuck at home like a barefoot and pregnant wife with no social life. Also, because my shoulder and arm would just fiend to carry those bags and pair with a cute outfit so they could be photographed and added to my Facebook and My Space accounts. Because things like new photos and accessories are very important in these trying times...well maybe not that important, but it is a bit lighthearted and takes my mind off of all the scary things going on right now.

Here are a few examples. I bought this bag brand new in black about 4 years ago for a price of approximately $1600 including tax. Today, you can buy this EXACT SAME bag for $2240 + tax. That's a $640+ profit! I also bought this bag brand new in bronze and off-white for under $500 each and today they are going for $740 EACH! That's a $480+ profit for both of those handbags! I mean where else can you spend $2600 and have your items appreciate over $1100? I mean if I had a few hours I would figure out what % the item increased in price, but I really don't want to try to figure that out and knowing things related to math would definitely ruin my street cred. I certainly wouldn't want people to expect that I know things and ask me to figure out how to split a bill or something.

For all the boys and people that just can't understand WHY you would spend SO MUCH MONEY on handbags and accessories, now I can legitimately say it is an INVESTMENT. One that is ACTUALLY profitable.

Now, if I only had any money to INVEST...

Flamin' Hot Cheetos - The Red Menace

On my way to work this morning, I learned of a serious problem sweeping the nation: Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

Seriously.

Taken from NPR:
"If you've got kids between age 5 and 15, you're probably already aware of a pernicious red menace that's sweeping the nation these days -- Flamin' Hot Cheetos. That's right, the snacks, introduced in 1991 by Frito-Lay (which also makes Original Cheetos, the nation's best selling extruded cheese-flavored snack), have exploded in popularity over the last few years. All over America, school kids can be seen stumbling around in Cheeto-induced dazes. Their eyes watery, their mouths ringed with the atomic red powder that gives the Cheetos their zest."

They went and visited a school in Pasadena, CA and talked to the kids about Flamin' Hot Cheetos and I seriously can't believe how crazy the kids sound over the Cheetos! Listen for yourselves here.

I never had ANY CLUE that Cheetos were such a big issue for schools! I mean, I don't have any kids but, I guess I never thought that an artificially flavored cheesy chip-like snack could take over schools and ruin lives! In fact, after listening to this report this morning I figured that NPR had nothing to report post-elections and were making things up, this can't really be true...can it?

So, I ask my girl Cassie who works for LA Unified School District as a literacy coach:

Me: let me ask you a random question
Cassie: haha ok
Cassie: let me give you a random answer
Me: are flaming hot Cheetos a big problem in your schools?
Me: have you heard about this?
Cassie: um YES
Cassie: stupid Cheetos
Me: dude I'm writing a blog about this
Cassie: tell Newman not to let his daughter eat them
Me: i heard about it on the radio it's so bizarre
Cassie: they have red dye #5 or whatever which causes add
Cassie: and they're toxic
Cassie: BAD and they smell
Me: I really can't believe this
Cassie: and kids smear the orange crap EVERYWHERE
Cassie: hate those stupid hot Cheetos
Cassie: i used to outlaw them in my classroom
Me: I heard a report this morning on the radio and they said it's a "janitorial nightmare"
Cassie: it really is
Me: they referred to them as "the red menace"
Cassie: they leave this orange film
Cassie: EVERYWHERE
Me: it sounds like a very serious issue sweeping the nation
Cassie: ew, even the smell makes me mad
Me: LOL, I love hot Cheetos
Cassie: i HATE them
Me: but i can't eat a lot of them, it would take me all day to eat a bag
Cassie: they're the worst
Cassie: kids show up with the jumbo bag for a SNACK
Cassie: and we wonder why we have a childhood obesity problem?
Cassie: i mean, REALLY?
Me: these kids were screaming "I get crazy when I eat Hot Cheetos, I just LOOOOOVEEEE Hot Cheetos"
Cassie: it's awful. you have no idea
Cassie: those things are the devil
Cassie: even the smell give me anxiety
Me: And teachers called into the radio show and said kids bring huge bags and at recess they all huddle around the flaming hot Cheetos and some kids dip them in cream cheese like it's a bagel + cc for breakfast
Cassie: yup
Cassie: so gross

So random, has anyone else heard about this? It's just one of those things like when I heard that pirates were a very serious issue off the coast of Africa. I mean WHO KNEW that pirates were really out looting and holding people and vessels hostage? Now that's all I hear about are pirates here and there taking over the world.

I bet the pirates are eating Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

Tagged - 15 Questions

We've been tagged by Himbo over at My Hair is Luxurious for a short 15 question deal.

1. Were you named after anyone? Yes. I was named after my great-grandmother and a stupid song. My full first name is Cara-Mia (yes like the artichokes and yes like what Morticia and Gomez call each other on the Addam's Family). I always thought my name was super uber corny and lame: it means my darling, my beloved, my dear, my friend (= LAME/CORNY) and no one is able to pronounce it properly.

2. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes...so don't expect me to swallow.

3. Would you bunjee jump? I like Himbo's response "Nope, I'm Mexican." I don't know what being Mexican has to do with NOT bunjee jumping but if that is a legit reason of race then I'll keep my Mexican ass away from any ledges.

4. What is your favorite cereal? Rice Chex is what I eat most often these days but I also love Cocoa Krispies.

5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I don't usually wear shoes that tie.

6. What is your favorite ice cream? If my roomie/the hardest working trainer in LA is reading then I like cookies and cream. Otherwise if she's not, I've become a fan of chocolate and vanilla gelato.

7. What is the first thing you notice about people? Teeth and smile.

8. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I'm lazy and unmotivated.

9. What was the last thing you ate? 1/4 chicken white and chinese cabbage salad from CCC. Mmmmm CCC is the best - sorry to those that don't have one nearby!

10. What are you listening to right now? My IM ding and make noises every time I get a new IM - it's exciting.

11. Last movie you watched? The Dark Knight on the plane home from Paris. It was SO GOOD!

12. What did you dream about last night? I didn't really sleep well last night.

13. What book are you reading? I just finished reading 4 Blonde's on the flight.

14. Summer or Winter? Duh, SUMMA! This California girl loooves the sun and bitches.

15. Do you have any special talents? I am a master trip planner, queen of introductions, and I make a MEAN grilled cheese sandwich. No joke my grilled cheese is like NO OTHER!

I tag Penny and whomever else is doing the NaBloPoMoFoRo deal and doesn't have any material ;)

I've Been Missing in Action

So I've totally gone M.I.A. from posting, I just don't feel like anything spectacular has been happening and I'm really like blah and boring these days and I just think it's depressing. After coming back from Europe, I've totally been in post-trip depression and it just seems like there is nothing to look forward to. The truth is, I never want to come home from the vacations and trips that I take with the exception of the trips "home" to see my family. I am always ready to return from those. Most people I travel with end up missing home and are ready to come home to their family, their dog, friends, and love interests - which I definitely understand. But, I really don't have any of those things to come home to except for my wonderful friends who of course have their own wonderfully busy lives.

Coming back from my trip meant coming back to LA for the holidays and ever since my family moved away 2.5 years ago, the holidays just haven't been the same. Everyone is always really great and makes sure I have somewhere to eat/be for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I'm never left alone with a lean cuisine watching the Laker's Holiday game or anything. I get invites to go out of town to my friends families homes, and I get to determine where I choose to be by asking questions about what sort of stuffing they have or just how whipped and glorious are their mashed potatoes before committing to anything, it's a pretty sweet deal but still, you can't help but feel like an orphan on those days.

Work has been really slow and boring, so many of our big corporate accounts are not profitable and the first thing to get cut is T &E. It's so crazy how our countries economic problems are really trickling down onto everything. So many people are going to be without jobs or trying to get by on newly reduced salaries this holiday season. I heard from so many of my clients and friends that their company holiday parties and even holiday parties for popular TV shows and their cast/crew have been cancelled due to costs. My company is still going through with our holiday party which is in Palm Desert at the JW Marriott Desert Springs. They get everyone a room and it's such a nice party + mini-vacay but, I'm worried whether or not we should have gone through with the party this year. Is it going to seriously affect my profit sharing/holiday bonus? Obviously I would rather have $ in my pocket than go to a party. I dunno... Lilo is coming with me as my date since I don't have a real date she has never been to Palm Springs. I'm trying to be positive and think that this party is a good way to close out an OK year in business. I just can't help but worry about how much worse it could possibly get and if I should be concerned about my job stability.

Oh ya and... I have decided to forgive a friend whom I cut out of my life about a year ago. She was best friends with me, my roomie/the hardest working trainer in LA, and Posh Wife (former posh bride) until we realized she had a serious problem with the truth and her lies had snowballed to epic proportions. I think I forgave her because I used to be a liar, and I did it for no apparent reason other than getting away with it or just because it was what someone else wanted to hear. I got over that and quit lying in my teens, being caught in lies is a horrible feeling. I know that it had to be really embarrassing for her to literally go down a laundry list of lies and explain the actual truths. It's real hard to admit when you're wrong so I guess I respect that. Obviously, our relationship will never be the same and I'm proceeding with caution. I guess it's just tough, sometimes I think I expect too much from friends or maybe I just give too much and expect the same in return? People are bound to screw up and it's just a matter of whether or not you can forgive them and try your best to forget it. I find that while I'm super forgiving and understanding, I have a real hard time forgetting the disappointments.

Lastly in totally random weird news, my mom called me earlier this week to let me know that her and my dad have decided to get married. The first thing out of my mouth was gay. Not gay in a homosexual way, but gay as in LAME. Gay because why get married NOW? I mean GAYS can't even marry yet my parents just decided that they are going to, what? In case someone decides to ban regular marriage? They have been together 32 years without being married and although their relationship is unconventional and they are weird freaks, it works for them. I wonder if having the title will ruin it? I just don't exactly understand the whole why business, I mean it's not like either one of them works and they're doing it for tax purposes, LOL. My mom def isn't pregnant. Eh, either way, I'm not really close with either of them and I'm not all that interested in attending any Vegas nuptials. God I am an AH.

Other than that I've been tagged for another post which I'll work on next, hopefully that one won't be as depressing and lame as this one.

Re-Open Proposition 8 for California

This issue is very important to the Mean Girls. If you are a resident of California, please sign this petition!

For more information on Proposition H8TE or to view the petition please click below.
Re-Open Proposition 8 for California

Let's stop PREACHING equality and start living in a country where each individual is treated equally.

The Mean Girls Euro Mess '08 Slideshow

Hey Everyone!

Lilo and I returned safely last night from an amazing and interesting trip through Europe! Since I am the only one to have uploaded pics (**cough cough ** get on it Lilo) you're only going to get 1/2 of the story through pics for now! Most of the pics I have are of Lilo doing things and most of the pics she has are of me doing things - it was just easier to whip out are own cameras and snap a photo of the other.

The Flight:

A picture of our in flight menu, our champagne and the electronic buttons you get to push for your seat:

The Ringleader, laying fully flat in my airplane "bed":

England:
At the Tower of London, this is where Anne Boleyn got her head cut off:

An ad for The Hills in the Underground. I just love the LIAR/LOSER bubble:

Lilo (and my LV) at The Mandarin Oriental after REALLY expensive drinks:

Amsterdam:

The Ringleader, with an extra cold Heineken and a spliff in hand...When in rome, right?

Lilo, when in Rome-ing. Note her shirt says "I'd rather be getting dome" LOL:

The most glorious Frite's in the world, we ate them 1-3 times per day:

Tosti sandwich, mmmmm:

The Redlight district (that I was allowed to photograph):

Lilo with the Redlight district behind her:

Lilo posing with some of the 1 million bikes in Amsterdam:

An awesome name for a gay bar in the Dam:

Paris:

Some pictures of the Pere Lachaise cemetary - note the color of the leaves! They have SEASONS in Paris:

Jim Morrison's grave:

Eiffel Tower - duh:

Lilo at the tower:

The Ringleader at the tower:

Both of us Eiffeling:











Bastard panties we found in Montmartre:

Lilo at the Arc de Triomphe:

Our new French boyfriend, Yann:

Sacre Coeur Basilica:

And now we're back to regular life in LA. Both of us woke up this morning and VOTED and are anxiously awaiting the results of this election!

Why I don't cop a squat...

Aside from my previous "issues" with copping a squat and getting cited for said behavior in Orange County, I have issues "squatting" over toilets - you know, when they don't have toilet seat covers.



Well, Europe doesn't do toilet seat covers, which I'm used to. Tonight, about 15 minutes ago I experienced my first Parisian toilet sans TOILET SEAT! WtFAILLLLLL.....I'm in an upscale club in the Saint Michelle area of Paris (with my fucking HOT Paris boyfriends/dates/tourguides) and I go to pee and there is NO SEAT! So I'm forced to squat and I do, I should mention I had not peed for the last 2 hours and have been drinking for a solid 6 hours now. So I am peeing with authority and I think I'm done and I manage to stand up post-wipe and piss down my tights wearing leg. GREAT!!!! So I peed on my legs, my tights, and fail! And THEN when trying to squeeze out of the stall (the toilet was far too close to the door...) I don't realize there is a step down to exit and trip and fall only to catch myself on the sink...in front of a French guy. Said French guy then proceeds to speak fast French to me asking me if I'm OK and all I can say is "merci"



I'm an idiot and shameful internationally...

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Louis doesn't do rain...

There is a reason my Louis Vuitton multicolore speedy does NOT do rain, because Louis does not like to get wet...from the rain. Lilo and I also do not do rain, its impossible to look pretty when you resemble a drowned rat with curly hair and it just sucks trying to navigate Paris through and around its many puddles :(



Today we set off for Père Lachaise, the famous and beautiful cemetary where Jim Morrison is buried. We left and were camera ready to pose for pictures and capture the beauty of a monumental French cemetary, only to realize that we were not prepared for this situation. It took us over an hour to find Jim's grave and when we arrived it was fenced off and hard to photograph while standing in a muddy puddle and balancing on someones tombstone. We did the best we could and are now heading back to the hotel to get ready for our night out with some French boys (friends of one of my clients). We had planned on making our way to Sacre Coeur to take pictures of this famous church on the hill but we're both too wet and worried about missing our date at The Plaza Athenee for drinks and our date w/ our Frenchies.



There is no way in hell I can wear heels (sorry L.A.M.B. Booties) and no way I will be able to take my GLORIOUS LV out for his day/night returning to his roots of Parisian glory. Instead, I'll be rocking a sweater dress, tights, and Clarks mary jane esque flats. I hope we will be able to seal the deal by meeting some American "chubby chasers" ;)



In bonus news, believe EVERYTHING you have ever heard about baguettes/bread here in France! Its sooooo crusty and glorious! We had a ham, gruyere cheese, and butter baguette sandwich for only €3!!! What a bargain! So far France isn't as pricey as we had thought!



P.S. My French sucks. With as many phrases and words I have learned, the only things I have put to use are: asking for a glass of red wine, merci, and bonjour/bonsoir. I pretty much just stare at people looking clueless and they get the point.

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