Fee Fi Fo Fum - Dating When You're A Giant

As if dating and finding a normal boy isn't hard enough, I am blessed/cursed with being taller than most boys which greatly limits my options. Now, I'm no amazonian beast by any means, I'm about 5"8 when I'm barefoot, but how often am I walking around barefoot? It's not like I wear sky high heels all the time either, a lot of the time I'm walking around in flip flops but I still manage to be at the same height or taller than most boys. Does this add to boys being intimidated by me? Possibly, but sometimes I think they would just rather date someone a little more petite, which sucks for me. One thing I will NEVER be considered is petite. Even when I was 110 pounds and could literally be snapped in two pieces, I'm at least 6 inches too tall to be considered petite.

Most of my life I have dated guys that were the same height and even a little bit shorter than I am, which hasn't really been an issue. I mean obviously when we hit the sheets, height doesn't matter, well except you know in one particular area, but that is a whole different subject! I just can't help but think how nice it would be to not tower over the guy I am dating! Or even how fab it would be to rock some stiletto's and STILL be shorter than someone! I would like to take a picture with a boy and not have to squat down or take my heels off so we don't look ridiculous in the photo. Most of my friends don't have this problem, they can go out and rock whatever shoes they want and still be an average height. In fact, they can rock stiletto's and guys will still holla at them with a line like "What's up shawty?" They can actually be somebody's shawty, shoot I wouldn't mind if someone referred to me as a shawty but, that has yet to happen.

Aside from being a more aesthetically pleasing couple when your man is taller than you, it's the little things that I feel like I miss out on by dating people my same height. Hugs for example, when a man embraces you, is there anything better than being able to bury yourself in his chest? How about when you slow dance with your man and are able to rest your head on his chest so you can hear and feel his heart beat? That sort of shit don't happen when you're the same size! Instead you go to hug your man and basically both of your armpits are at his shoulders while you're wrapping your arms around his neck. Sure you can look him right in the eye or be nose-to-nose when you do it, but what are you really holding onto? The alternative is to wrap your arms under his arms and around his back and then the both of you are resting your chin on each others shoulders. I dunno, it's just not nearly as sexy and you don't really feel as close as you do when you can bury yourself in his chest. Now that I think about it, guys would probably prefer to be shorter than a girl just so he can bury his head in her chest, but you don't really see it all that often.

I guess this is just another example of wanting what you can't/don't have. I think it's just so cute when I see a shawty on her tippee toes trying to give her man a kiss or when you see a boy giving his girl a nuggie or messing up her hair just cause she's shorter than him. As cute as it is, I usually end up thinking WTF! Why the hell are these super tall boys dating freakin midgets? I mean what is it with that? You see some 6"5 guy holding hands with his girlfriend who barely clears the 5 foot mark and I want to say to him/her FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE! There are plenty of short boys to go around but I swear the tall ones are hard to come by! Yet, time and time again, the shortest girls I know manage to pull guys the size I dream of! I feel like whenever I meet a tall guy, I start thinking of how he's an immediate option for me and how we could breed basketball players and supermodels. Then right before I start considering what type of fine china to register for, some shawty in heels who is eye-level with his junk waltzes up and snatches him from beneath me! I mean what's wrong with getting on your knees for some dome? Now guys want girls to stand straight up to do it? I swear I wish there was affirmative action in place for dating!

In bonus news, I have a date on Friday! Well, I don't know if it's a date or what technical term we're dealing with...but I have plans to have drinks and hang out with a boy and it's just the two of us, so call it whatever you want. I'm actually pretty stoked, we have somewhat of a history with each other and he's TALL! I don't know how tall, but he is definitely past the 6 foot mark and I know that I don't own a pair of heels that will make me anywhere close to being his height! So on Friday, I'm going to rock 4 inch stilettos and I am going to look UP at him. Wish me luck!

What Are The Odds of This Happening?

Last week, my Roomie/the Gym Nazi had to travel to Orlando to train a VIP client while he was away on business. When I refer to her as the hardest working trainer in LA, I mean it and now I can officially say she is bi-coastal and working on the title for the hardest working trainer in America. So last week off she went to Orlando, a place she had never been before where she knew NO ONE! Seeing how she has traveled with me before and knows how to work it, the Gym Nazi knew she needed to make friends with the concierge, gym staff, and anyone who would possibly want to go out with her in Orlando while she was there. Sure enough, everyone was way cool and the hotel concierge took her to Downtown Disney and the Magic Kingdom so she didn't have to roll solo.

Obviously the staff at the hotel gym knew her, it's hard not to. She spends 84,589 hours per week working out and let's just say my Roomie likes to talk. She is the type of broad that gets peoples first and last names, the names of their significant other, as well as a few stories about their upbringing and then relays the following info to me because she is in the know. Friday was her last day in Orlando and she obviously spent the day in the gym working out and chatting up the ladies who work there. From their talks, she found out that two of the girls are bloggers and spend a lot of time reading blogs when they are bored at work (kind of like me) so of course she says how her Roomie and 2 friends have a blog and it's really funny (she's easily impressed) and gives them this website...AND THEY FOLLOW THIS BLOG! I mean WHAT are the chances that ANYONE reads this blog, and what are the chances that my Roomie flies across the country, stays at a random hotel, makes friends with people that work at the gym, and those people blog and regularly comment on this blog??? And they even KNEW who the Gym Nazi was once she broke out with the blog! How totally random is that??

I obviously get a phone call Friday afternoon from my Roomie telling me that people read the blog in Orlando and she is sitting with Little Woman right now. She then asks if I know her and I was so confused with what she was saying but was like yes I know who that blogger is and yes she does comment on our posts, but I really couldn't even grasp how the blog world and the real world collide!

Such a SMALL WORLD!

Sometimes You Just Have to Do It

Ever since my bridesmaid duties ended in July, I have been on a destructive eating mission. I don't know what happened, but since I no longer needed to worry about fitting into a bridesmaid dress (that was ordered nine months prior) I decided to straight up let myself go. It wasn't even a gradual thing either, in fact the best way to describe what I was doing would be sport or competitive eating. However, I wasn't competing with anyone. You know how Nathan's Hot Dogs on Coney Island has their annual hot dog eating contest? That's basically what I was doing except I didn't limit myself to just hot dogs. The past 7 or so months were spend demolishing everything and anything in my path or even out of the way, because I felt it necessary to make special trips to places 25 miles away for things like cheese bread and a philly cheese steak sandwich from that one place. It seemed like everyday I was on a quest to be uncomfortably full, because if I wasn't in a food coma then I hadn't eaten enough.

I think I knew in my head that I just didn't want to exercise or diet at the time. I also knew that I was packing on the pounds but really didn't care to do anything about it. My friends would make suggestions about going to eat a healthy dinner and even going hiking or doing some form of exercise and it was NOT anything I was interested in. It wasn't until my clothing options were so severely limited that I decided to make a change rather than go out and buy new clothes and accept this new size as my size.

Five weeks ago, I went to a weight loss center and met with a bariatric doctor. I hadn't been on a scale in probably over a year, and let me tell you that first step on the scale in a year was enough for me to wire my mouth shut and STOP eating. Even with all I was eating, I NEVER thought there was a possibility that I could weigh what I weighed. I was considered clinically obese and over the maximum weight for my height by about 35 pounds. It was awful and it was reason enough for me to get back on track with a new FitMess™ program. The new program is obviously a low calorie diet, moderate exercise, and I've been getting B12 shots and lipotropic shots in the ass once a week. I HATE needles but the shots give me energy and generally make me feel better than I have felt in quite some time.

I was depressed for the first week or so of the new program. Each day was spent mourning the loss of my constant companions, FOOD and ALCOHOL. I couldn't have been more miserable considering the fact that I have no vacations planned to look forward to, no love interest, and I can't regularly enjoy the TWO things I enjoy most FOOD and ALCOHOL. Oh ya and I needed to limit my 420 intake because that leads to munchies and the need to put away chips and guacamole in unlimited quantities. The degree of self loathing was at an all time high and I put myself there so who could I really complain to? I think the phrases I repeated most to myself over the first week were: "I hate myself" and "fuck me/fuck my life." Needless to say, the past 5 weeks have been INCREDIBLY difficult for me. Most of the time I don't feel like myself and I find myself suppressing my general excitement about food life. The worst part is that I can't even really turn to booze when I'm pissed off, because now I'm worried about the calorie content. Seriously, somebody fucking punch me for saying that. Fuck me and fuck my somewhat booze less life because it's so pointless sans food and alcohol!

Anyways, I'm back in the gym and working out and I've been really serious about sticking to my diet with the exception of a few cheat days for things like the Superbowl and a few fabulous dinners. In total, I have lost 18 pounds in 5 weeks, which is pretty goddamn amazing and exactly the sort of results I needed to see in order to stay motivated ! I'm even starting to fit into some of my jeans that I couldn't even button up a few months ago. I guess part of me is starting to appreciate food, wine, and fabulous dinners even more than before when I would eat them regularly. The other part of me hates myself for saying something the Hardest Working Trainer in LA/My Roomie would say.

As thrilled as I am with the weight loss success I have had so far, I still have so much farther to go. My goal right now is to lose 51 pounds by July. While that is A LOT of weight, it would really only mean that I would be returning to the weight I was at 3 years ago, and honestly I wasn't happy at that weight either but at least it was a healthy weight. I am pretty impressed that in only 5 weeks I am almost half-way to my goal, I'm doing far better than I had anticipated and I feel like my goal weight is more of a possibility than it has been in years. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the plateaus and the weeks where I don't lose any weight because it's bound to happen, but hopefully I won't lose sight of my goals.

In the end it's all about a lifestyle change and while I'm trying to do that, I just wonder if it's possible to do so without getting bored. I wish I could ENJOY working out and eating healthy but I just don't know that I ever will. I'm so much an all or nothing kind of girl which can be a detriment to my progress.

The Hottest Restaurant in LA

The past two weeks have been a disgusting blur of restaurants and dinners. It was Dine LA and there were amazing restaurants participating in the Dine LA program (special prix fixe menus and pricing) so we figured lets try a bunch of new places and re-visit some old favorites. One of the top places on our list was to try José Andrés new restaurant The Bazaar in the newly remodeled SLS Hotel (For those who watch "The Hills" Sam Nazarian/Brent Bolthouse new hotel). The Bazaar opened in December and has been all the rage. It's the whole small plates/tapas concept and I have to say it was one of the best meals of my life!

Friday night we had reservations at 9:30pm, it was Lilo, My Roomie/Gym Nazi, Skipper, and myself. We got there early to check out the scene and have some drinks at their Bar Centro. It was quite a scene! Tons of good looking people that think they are uber important, girls teetering around trying to walk in 6 inch YSL tribute shoes, and a valet line filled with Bentleys and Rolls Royce. So basically we totally fit in drinking our passion fruit martini's and carrying our famous handbags...

After a few drinks, we decide to make our way over to the restaurant because we are ready to be seated. As we're standing at the podium I see a flash of white fur and blond hair enter the door and think to myself "That has to be Paris..." I've run into Paris Hilton quite a bit in LA and there is just something about her that catches your eye when she enters a room. I don't know if it's her glowing dewey complexion or her bright blond hair but whatever it is, no one else has it and you just know when she's in your presence. Sure enough it was Paris, Nicky, and David Katzenberg, so I make eyes at my Roomie and Lilo so they realize it's Paris who has decided to stand at the podium, right in front of us, and whip out her compact and start applying more lipgloss. Soon, Paris & Co are whisked away to their table in the blanco room and as they walk away someone says "Wow, someone is REALLY trying hard to look just like Paris Hilton." To that I respond with "That was Paris Hilton. When you see her in person she looks like a cartoon character of herself, you just don't believe that it is really her, but it definitely is."

We are then escorted to our table in the Rojo room which is the more happening of the 2 rooms. We sit down and see an entire entourage of what looks like rappers sitting right next to us. As we're trying to determine who it is, a groupie train of girls makes their way over to the table proclaiming their love for Flo Rida. Turns out it was Flo Rida, Rick Ross, Yung Joc, and some other dudes we don't know. They were having a blast and getting all sorts of attention, at one point Chef José Andrés comes over and makes them a special dessert called "Dragon's Breath" right at the table and it was SO COOL. It was mini caramel popcorn cubes cooked in liquid nitrogen and as you chew the popcorn, smoke comes out your nose and mouth. It was the funniest thing to see all these thugs throwing down popcorn cubes while blowing O's with the smoke. At one point I swore it was a blunt being passed around but that was not the case. About 30 minutes later P. Diddy and his whole entourage rolled up to the SLS and they were escorted to a more private area to dine where the curtains could be pulled around their table and no one could see in. ** Newsflash Diddy ** there are celebs EVERYWHERE in LA and when they don't want to be seen THEY DON'T GO OUT.

We ordered a pitcher of freshly made sangria and I thought it was to die for! Our food came out in different rounds, I don't know how they decided what to bring out with what but each dish was increasingly more glorious than the one before it. The best I can explain it was that I was on a culinary journey and experiencing the best things that Spain has to offer. It was inspiring and the tastes were so different than anything I had ever experienced with the same ingredients. The crazy thing is how I think I am such a foodie and have tried so many great foods and then a restaurant like this comes along and shows me that I know nothing and have barely scraped the surface when it comes to food. The food was SO GOOD that Lilo, Skipper, and I tried to make reservations yesterday for a table at 6pm (right when they opened) so that we could try everything again since we just can't believe it was THAT GOOD! Unfortunately, there was a private party/Grammy afterparty and although we weren't able to get in last night, we will definitely be going back this weekend for round 2 of The Bazaar.

Below are some of the foods we LOVED and pics of them.

The most delicious Philly cheesesteak ever invented: barely seared kobe beef steak on a puffed bread stuffed with cheese. This little puff of glory was so good I got goosebumps and once the Skipper took a bite he started laughing hysterically. We wondered what was so funny and he told us that it was so good he was sure that his tastebuds were joking around with him. I couldn't agree more - I could easily sit down and throw about 10 of these down and still want more.

Jamón Ibérico de bellota: This is the finest cured free range ham in the world. When I was asking the sommelier what he thought was the best jamón on the menu, he first asked me if I liked proscuitto. I don't just like proscuitto, I LOVE proscuitto! He told me that I will never want to eat proscuitto again after I try their jamón ibérico de bellota. He was totally right...this jamon came sliced think like proscuitto and had this glorious velvety texture. It was simply amazing. Served with some crusty bread topped with tomatoes and olive oil. I am in love.

King crab with raspberry vinegar: I don't even know what to make of this. The crab was so ridiculously fresh and meaty and I couldn't even taste the raspberry. Apparently the raspberry vinegar brings out the flavor and taste of the crab and for reals, that is all I tasted. It was so perfect I wanted to build a white picket fence around it and call it home. Look ma! I am living the American Dream!

"Croquetas" chicken and béchamel fritters: I actually bypassed these croquetas on the menu, didn't think twice about ordering them. Thankfully, Skipper is smarter than I am and ordered them. The best way I could describe these things would be to call them nugs of glory. They were so lightly fried and when you attempted to cut one open with your fork, it sort of popped open to reveal a cheesy, saucey, chickeny inside. The flavors were so intense and so different from anything I have tried before. I'm definitely going to order at least 6 of these next time I go back.

Mozzarella-tomato pipettes & Shrimp Cocktail: Apparently the chef Jose Andres likes using these pipette things to hold cocktail sauce and liquid mozzarella. The shrimp cocktail in pipette was ingenious. The tip of the injector was used to skewer the shrimp. You put the shrimp in your mouth, squeeze, and cocktail sauce shoots in. So even for those like myself who prefer not to swallow, this was fun! The sauce basically busts in your mouth and I found it to be a really fun novelty.

Embarrassment

I'm really digging these one word blog titles lately.... Except I haven't really been blogging lately but whatever I've been trying to manage my life.

So here is the scoop The Random found out about my blog, I tried to damage control, he cornered me outside to tell me he knew but said he hadn't actually read it himself, I then found out this was because there are some people out there who despite the fact that I write about my life on the Internet still felt I deserved some privacy and refused to hand over the "www". Thank the sweet baby Jesus for small favors. After Guido's birthday I thought this would all be over but I was wrong and on Superbowl Sunday I had to face it all again. AWESOME AWKWARD MOMENTS WITH LILO! Loves it. Thank God for Sangria getting me through it and by the way Vodka has NO BUSINESS being in the Sangria, My headache on Monday told me so.

I've ran through all the emotions and horror of all this.... and the one I've decided on is Embarrassment. Not sadness, defeat, anger, rage, or even suicidal. It's embarrassing I've totally lost my street cred and no amount of black nail polish is going to get it back.... People like know I have feelings and shit even though they are masked with a fair amount of shit talking. In fact I think my "feelings" my have been totally blown out of proportion in this situation. However, all that said I'm trying to suck it up I keep showing my face at gatherings and events and continue being a "nice girl" WOW is not easy to do when you feel like everyone is whispering about your BLOG (SO LAME)! In fact I think I may even have managed to make some friends in all this craziness.

In other news I'm super crazy busy work hence that fact I haven't written in weeks well that and I have no idea who is reading at this point and I was a lil nervous. (Hi! to all those lovely people I know in real life who are lurking around my blog feel free to comment.) There also may be a career move on the horizon which could lead to me having full custody of Spidey again! WOOT! Can't wait to have lil shiteous back to full time terror Not to mention having my 5 minute commute back will be the most glorious thing EVER and I will NEVER take it for granted again.

Ok I have to get some work done before my boss gets back