Recession or Mancession?

In the glorious days of the past, things just worked and with hardly any effort, if any was required. Back then, the important decisions I had to make in order for my world to keep turning were things like:

"Should I go tanning before or after I get my nails done??"

"Do I really need to wash my hair?"

"What should I drink tonight???"

That was pretty much all my pretty little head had to ponder in order for me to keep operating at skinny, pretty, and fabulous. I didn't waste time worrying about where I was going, who I was going with, and who was going to pay. I mean lets be honest, those things just worked themselves out...as they tend to do for young, hot, blondes! What can I say? We're always in demand and never go out of style.

When I was 19, I met Frankie, an Italian boy from NYC. Frankie was part owner in a modeling agency and his father owned a successful suit store back home. We would talk on the phone a few times a week and we would make plans to meet up. I would fly out to visit him in the city and he would either fly to LA and set us up in a suite at the Mondrian or we would just meet in Vegas for the weekend. He always took care of everything! If I invited friends out with us, Frankie paid for them too, like any man with the cash to spend should. It was all in good fun, no one had to put out... except me, and I was happy to do so! The truth was that I liked him! I liked the way he handled things, I liked going out and spending time with him, and most of all I enjoyed being treated like a lady princess! On my 21st birthday he sent me 21 DOZEN roses! It was crazy thoughtful and of course it made me feel special, but I'm starting to realize I was a little bit spoiled...

Back then, when I dated a guy, it was just known that he was going to pay. I NEVER offered a dime and no one ever asked or expected me to and come to think of it, my friends operated the same way. Now, I'm not some trashy, gold digging, bitch who uses men; sometimes I wish I could but the truth is that I pulled my own weight. I would always make it up to the person I was dating/who was taking me out in another way... and NOT the dirty way you broads are thinking! I would pay close attention to what they liked or wanted, and make mental notes of these things, yes ladies, that meant I actually LISTENED to them and wanted to make them feel special. So, if that meant calling every Nike store for the impossible to find/sold out neon yellow Air Maxx's in a size 12, that is what I did and you can be damn sure I was going to get it for them.

This year I am entering into the "dirty 30's" and yes, I might be 10 years older and about 10 lbs heavier, but WHAT THE FUCK has happened??? As some of you may know, The Ringleader and I have been dedicating one night per week for cock hunting, we have been going with out a purpose (other than to get wasted and reminisce about the glory days) and that purpose is strictly looking for men! CH season started at the beginning of March, so it's been about a month and we've definitely met some interesting characters...

The first guy was Harry, he was short, a bit on the grungy side and Harry all over his face... so not quite my type. The conversation was okay, he told me how he went to this great Mexican restaurant over near my work and I told him next time he's over there to check out this other Mexican place. Friendly advice, right?

Well, instead of an "I'd love to take you there" or "Thanks for the great suggestion " this dude's response was "When are you going to be taking me there?" AS IF! Obviously I said "I'm NOT." I mean WTF? How is it that this guy who I'm only talking to because he was sharing a community table/sitting right next to us and there were no better options at the time, has the balls to say THIS shit??? WHO ARE THESE IDIOTS? I mean, in his defense... maybe he was on drugs, he definitely looked like the type to be in a band and take drugs.

Cut to last weekend, I was out with The Ringleader for a birthday party Downtown. Sipping a cocktail while looking pretty and waiting for anything to happen... Actually ANYTHING BUT the woodchopper that appeared! After a few attempts at pawning him off on someone else (Sorry Ringleader) I almost admired his persistence to stick around and keep on chopping. Hence the name, woodchopper; that is the fucking guy who doesn't take no for an answer and thinks it only a matter of time before you realize how fucking awesome he is...or get drunk enough not to care. He just keeps chopping at that tree until it comes down! So, after his "I wanna see who you are texting" followed by "Please give me your number." I laid it down "No, you don't need to see what I'm doing on MY phone and besides, why should I give you MY number?" He responded, and this my friends is a real gem " You can take ME out."

Okay so, let's recap shall we? Now I've got 2 guys who I have absoFUCKINGlutely NO interest in! I don't even think I would waste a night out on either of them, and they are asking ME if I'm going to take them out????

Are times really that tough for some of these dudes??? Are they hurting for cash??? Or just cheap??? Have the times just REALLY changed THAT MUCH???

I would throw in the SHAMMY, but I ain't no quitter...

Oh well, at least the tales of the FAIL are entertaining, no?

The Grilled Cheese Party

As some of you may know, I make a MEAN grilled cheese sandwich. It's so delicious and wonderful that I have decided to enter it into the Los Angeles Grilled Cheese Invitational competition. I tried to enter the competition last year, but the event turned out to be a HUGE deal in LA and it literally sold out for admission as well as competitors. This year I got on their mailing list and come Thursday April 2, my winning sandwich and myself will be entered as official competitors.

Because I make so many variations of this bomb ass sandwich, I needed a little help determining which sandwich of mine to enter into the competition. Obviously if I'm going to enter any competition, I'm only really entering to win. I don't attempt anything unless I know I'm going to be the best at it, that's just how it is. I hate losing and I hate being wrong and more than that I HATE admitting defeat.

This past Saturday, we had a mini grilled cheese invitational at my girl ShamWow's house which is also known as "the black hole..." because it's one of those places that you just get sucked into and can never leave. We had about 20 people come to sample 3 of my most popular grilled cheese sandwiches that qualified under the "Spoons" category (the category I am entering) of the Grilled Cheese Invitational. Basically that category is any type of cheese, any type of bread, and any type of spread you like.

Little did we know that said mini grilled cheese invitational would carry on into Sunday afternoon. You see, we sampled everything on Saturday and decided what I would enter, then on Sunday we decided to make modifications and start adding everything including the kitchen sink to the sandwiches. This got to be a disgusting, gluttonous, and glorious affair that is STILL giving my stomach problems the following day. We did things like add slow roasted pulled pork, green chili's, ranch flavored cream cheese, ranch dressing, etc. Pretty much anything and everything we had in the house got added to the sandwiches. I must have gained at least 8 pounds over the course of 2 days and it willbe worth it when I win the competition!

The 8.5 pounds of assorted cheese I bought for the party. Wish I had a pic of the who knows how many pounds of salted butter I bought for said sandwiches - it's pretty disgusting...

Four of my famous grilled cheese sandwiches and their secret ingredient which I cannot divulge until after the competition is over.

And this would be me holding up a most glorious sandwich that I won't be entering into the competition but I will clue you in on what's in it: a mexican blend of cheese, provolone and cheddar cheese, ShamWow's moms famous potato salad, slow roasted pulled pork, and my secret ingredient. It was delicious!

Now that I have my sandwich all ready to be entered and I have my team name which is The Mean Girls (DUH)! We're even ordering custom made aprons that say "The Mean Girls" and "If you like it...put a ring on it!" Aside from that, and I really need to read the rules on this one, but if we're allowed to grill these suckers up while wearing just bikini's and our apron, then that will for sure be FTW. If not we'll wear some cute booty shorts and tank tops and probably still get a bunch of attention! All that is left to do is name my sandwich. I looked at sandwich names from past winners and my favorite one so far was "Cheesus Christ" - whomever thought of that name is simply awesome!

At this point I am naming the sandwich "Put a ring on it." Because once any guy eats this sandwich...he is going to want to put a ring on it! Not to mention, when I win this contest and get my trophy, what guy is NOT going to want to put a ring on it?? I mean seriously, boys would you not marry a girl who won a grilled cheese competition??

Does The Mean Girl Stiletto Fit ShamWOW??

After a 7 year relationship with Richard aka "DICK," who I evaluated and he turned out to be an un-diagnosed bi-polar. I decided to end things because aside from that, he was a fucking loser type of guy. Although that relationship ended in July, I keep wondering... WHY ME??

There was a day when I would devote every minute of the day to myself, where I was going, who I was going with, and what I was going to wear. It was during this time that I still managed to only land LOSERS?

Young, hot, skinny.... and still only dated all the losers/drug dealers/douche bags???

Over the years, I've determined that there is something WAY worse than dating a loser:
Seeing these LOSERS years later on TV!! Wait... These losers actually made something of themselves? And I'm nowhere in sight???? Here are my top 3 "losers..." that apparently aren't losers anymore.

1. John-Robert Bellande:

Aka Bobby DoucheBAG, he was my 30-year-old virgin and I was about 20 at the time. Bobby DB was tall, handsome, and owned 'Sky Sushi' in Hollywood. One night, we end up at his apartment, we put our suits on, head up to the roof, and hop in a hot, steamy jacuzzi while looking up at the stars... for a minute. Obviously we're making out. After probably an hour of this, he reveals that he is a virgin and is waiting till marriage???? WTF? You might think that is sweet or even cute. I thought.... Booooooorrrrrriiiiingggggg.......

Now he is a professional poker player and since my brother is a poker WHORE, I see him all the time!! It was bad enough that it was a waste of a night in my 20's but now I gotta see him on TV, playing for millions of dollars?????? As if THAT wasn't bad enough, virgin boy goes on Survivor!I mean true losers can't always win, so thank GOD he lost... But this virgin doesn't go down without a fight! Right now, he's pitching a show that is called "How to be broke, but live like a millionaire" Of course, why wouldn't I want to see this pansy on ANOTHER fucking TV show??


2. DJAM aka DJ FatBoy: "Hey Mr. DJ put a record on... " Okay, I met this FAT DJ at a club, he was all over my shit. We would talk for hours, IM all day long and I was getting regular offers from him like "I want you to come live with me." Now, I am a girl that doesn't discriminate: skinny/fat/old/young... AS LONG AS IT WORKS!!! We would hang out at his apartment and FYI the family room wall looked like a wall of shoes at Footlocker. So, the night we finally "do it"... I would go into detail, but there was not much to talk about. OUCH, actually... not ouch! Cut to a couple of weeks later and he gets the fat surgery and I still visit him...but apparently I'm not the only one!

Not even a couple months after our "little" incident and he moves into a million plus dollar house, he's dating Nicole Bitchie, and I have to see his skinny ass on all the fucking mags? I mean, huh?? Wait, then next it's Mandy Whore! I think it was during that time that I saved money weekly because I would refuse to buy a maggy if his mug was on it! Okay, then he got in the plane crash with Travis Barker and almost died and had major burns all over his body, yeah I felt a little bad, but lets be honest.. he probably had some extra skin after losing the 100 pounds plus from the fat surgery??? And yes, I know I'm an asshole and maybe even a bitter Betty but WTF? You wouldn't be??

3. I wasn't even 21 and trying to get into a bar in Santa Monica with my girlfriend, there was some private party and it was list ONLY! So, we see these 2 guys, one from New York who was tall, cute, and kinda dorky. His name was Vince. He decided we are going to sneak into the service elevator and we play the part that he is some "director/producer" schmoozing with all these other movie people. I really didn't care, I mean it was open bar and we could get bombed for free.?? Tell whatever stories you want Vinny! Next thing you know, we're on a "double-date" with our new friends and head back to their place. We get there and it's a ONE bedroom! Two dudes, ONE bedroom?!? I was drunk so I still made out with him. When I woke up in the morning, I couldn't leave fast enough, WHAT LOSERS!!!!! So, I get home and I realized I left my cell phone at his SHITHOLE. I had to call and set up a date/location/time to get my shit back. I picked it up, and that was it...

NOW I'm watching a TV show and one of those ANNOYING infomercials comes on, and there he is... He is Mr. SHAMWOW/Vince Offer. Mr I'll sell my mom's pussy for $9.99 if you call now... I laughed and kept this little secret for a few months, but had to share the glory with my friends and family. As of the last few months he is selling the "Slap Chop" and " I squeeze" so now I see this douche on TV... ALL THE TIME!!

And in case you hadn't already guessed, that would be how I earned the nickname ShamWow...

So ladies, when you think "what a loser!" Just know that it could be worse... you could see that "loser" make something of himself and have it thrown in front of your face through all media outlets!!!

So bitches, it's official... THE STILETTO DOES FIT..... and this BITCH is ready to walk into BIGGER and BETTER things!!

Making Time for Everyone

There used to be a time when I could would say yes to every party, invitation, or get together. If it meant I had to drive 60 miles round trip to a birthday dinner at a place I had no interest in eating at AND drop $75 on dinner, I did it. The truth is, I didn't want to miss out on anything and I wanted to be there for my friends for whatever special occasion it was. These days, I'm just unable to continue schlepping around LA to every function, it's just not possible! One thing I have managed to do, is to find ways to make time for everyone...OUTSIDE of Facebook, e-mail, and IM.

I'm really lucky, I have TONS of really amazing friends who would go out of their way for me and be there whenever I need them. Since I realize that amazing friends are so hard to come by, I really try my best to make the rounds and make time for everyone but it is NO easy task to literally schedule everyone in! Especially considering the fact that I have exactly TWO days off on the weekend. Two days that I need to not only make appearances at birthdays or get togethers but also to do things like laundry, service my car, grocery shopping, etc. It's difficult but you need to make an effort in order to preserve and nurture the relationships that are important to you. You just find a way to work through yours and your friends busy schedules and set a date to hang out, even if that date is a month or more away, you just work with it if you really want to spend time with them.

Which brings me to my next point, if you really want to do something or make something happen, you will find a way to make it work. This is probably the most difficult thing but just like when a boy wants to see you...he WILL find a way to see you! The same thing goes for your friends. If every time you invite a friend somewhere and they come back with the same excuses why they cannot be there time and time again, then you're really just not worth their time and effort, plain and simple. Obviously, if they are willing to reschedule or try to make plans another time to see you then you can assume they want to see you but legitimately cannot be there.

So what do you do when you finally realize that you're the one making most of the effort? What if you are the one who is constantly making yourself available to meet them on their terms, in their neighborhood, or at something they choose? Do you say something to them because maybe they just never realized that's how it is? That's where it seems to get tricky...I can think of a number of people who only really invite me to things that either they want to do and have no one else to go with or things that just seem to work for them. The problem is that most of the time I end up being the one to meet them and do what it is they want to do, because I enjoy hanging out with them and because I'm always down for a good time. Lately, I'm starting to realize that some of my friends are just being incredibly selfish and self-absorbed.

Without a doubt I realize that money is tight for everyone. I also realize that everyone has priorities when it comes to their hard earned money! Personally, I would rather spend my money going to lunch/dinner catching up with my friends than I would blowing my paycheck on new shoes or out drinking on a random night with Lilo (who I see all the time), but that is just me. It's hard to believe you're a priority when you see and hear about your friends doing all these things which no doubt cost them money, when they can't spare $10 and one hour to meet for lunch.

For example, friends like my girl Cassie are ALWAYS willing to meet me for a hike in Runyon Canyon and a $8 lunch catching up at California Chicken Cafe.I think out of all of my friends, Cassie and Posh Wife are the two that REALLY try the hardest to get everyone together and always consider the fact that not everyone has the money to spend out on the town, so they come up with simple things like for us to spend an evening at home together watching Gossip Girl. We ALL have busy schedules and we are ALL guilty of losing track of how long it has been since we sat down and hung out face to face. In fact, Cassie informed me that it had been well over a month since we last hung out. I didn't even realize it but when she pointed it out I made it a point to schedule time with her the last two Thursdays and this week as well. The last thing I want to do is neglect my friends.

I know that I am guilty of flaking out on my friends every now and again when a better option comes up, but it rarely happens. I am guilty of losing track of time and even being caught up in myself, my woes about boys, new friends, and my weekend plans. Sometimes I don't realize it, but I always make it a point to check-in with everyone and make the effort to get some face time in with my peeps. I mean who knows how long my schedule is going to be so impossible for? And if that happens, who is really going to want to make the effort to see me when I have absolutely nothing going on?

How do you all manage to make time for everyone?

Go On Brush Your Shoulders Off

I have written about The Bazaar before. Pretty much every major publication in the US has been writing about The Bazaar and the GLORIOUS food created by the hottest chef of the moment Chef José Andrés . The LA Times gave The Bazaar the first FOUR STAR review it has given ANY restaurant since 2005, the night the LA Times writes about in their review was the very first time I went to the Bazaar and blogged about Flo-Rida and P. Diddy, etc being there. Last night was my 4th time dining there and without a doubt one of the most unforgettable visits.

I am that girl that knows where you should eat, what to order, where to be seated, who should serve you, and the girl that can get reservations at the most impossible and impressive restaurants. I pride myself on this. Food is what I do, it's what I know, it's what I love. Making a name for yourself in a town full of people who think they are important is not an easy task and I FINALLY have crossed the threshold into V.I.P. territory at The Bazaar. After 3 visits that were amazing and wonderful, yet lacking the VIP amenities such as the offer of the famous "Dragon's Breath" - they now know my name and know that I mean business.

As soon as the Manager saw me last night, he said "Welcome back Ringleader, we're so happy to have one of our regulars back for dinner this evening." I replied "I'm SO HAPPY you finally KNOW ME over here! I mean I'm here every week.." I kid you not, the manager then HIGH FIVED ME! I request a specific dining room EACH TIME I dine there and so far they have NEVER honored my request but NOT last night! Last night they took my party to the famous Rojo Room and our table was the first table right in front of the open air kitchen. In my opinion, the best seat in the house, which also happened to be sitting next to Bobby Flay and right in front of famous Top Chef contestants at work in the kitchen. I also fell in love with Chef Ruben Garcia who I plan to stalk myself into a relationship with...

We drank and dined like the champion eaters we are. My favorite server even came by the table to chat with us and thank me for sending a group of people to dine with her on Wednesday night, said server also knew me by name and knows that I am referring business her way. The night was going famously, I even managed to snap a picture with the head chef and told him how much I am in love with The Bazaar. Things couldn't have been going any better!

At this point, we found out that Fox 11 news was going to film a live segment about the restaurant, we also saw them pulling out the cart and supplies needed to make the Dragon's Breath special menu item which is reserved for celebs, VIP's, and news stories. I just KNEW I had to make the move and get us some Dragon's Breath, after all that is the only thing left to conquer at the Bazaar and this was my night.

I called my new husband Ruben over to our table and proceeded to ask him if he is the one that makes the Dragon's Breath, because I NEED to have it. Oh and because he's hot and I wanted to introduce myself. He straight up looked me in the eye and said "You want the Dragon's Breath? I will make it for you." He then looked around the table and said "All of you want to try it?" And that was that, WE WERE GETTING IT! We have officially arrived bitches!! He then tells us he has to go film the segment for the news and will make it for us when they are done shooting. I basically creme in my panties and text/email/facebook everyone I know to let them know that I have in fact, won. Now all that is left for me to do is go to the moon and I can die happy.

They tape the segment and when Chef Andres gets to the Dragon's Breath, he tells the stupid Anchorwoman broad Jane Yamamoto how to eat it. "Chew, chew, SWALLOW" and watch the smoke come out of your nose. Well this stupid idiot managed to friggin choke and the chef was NOT pleased. After the camera's stopped rolling he said "That was THE LAST TIME I'm going to make the Dragon's breath, I'm DONE!"

WTF? He must be kidding. I know the dragon's breath is a spectacle and he must hate that EVERYONE asks for it once they see someone else having it. But, I mean, I got promised the dragon's breath! I hope my hot husband Ruben will still make it??? So we wait around for about 10 more minutes and the Maitre D comes to our table and says:

"I apologize, I know Ruben said he would make the dragon's breath for you, and he really wants to make it but the Chef was not happy with what happened on camera. He said he is never making it again. I know you really wanted it but it's just not going to happen tonight, he won't even let Ruben make it. I know you are regulars here and please ask for me by name. Next time you come I will beg Chef Andres to please make it for you. I'm so sorry."

Needless to say my hopes and dreams came crashing down and the bottom of my soul hurt just a tad. I was so excited to FINALLY try it and now, I'm not. Oh well, I got over it and before we left, ShamWow and I stopped off at the kitchen to say goodbye to Chef Ruben Hottness, he came out and apologized again and told us to come back and see him, he said maybe next time he can do it and I just know there is NO WAY in hell he is going to forget us!

Below is the video from Fox 11 News that they shot last night. At the 2:37 mark the camera is all over our table. We're the 4 girls and one bald guy at the right side of table, I'm wearing a black dress and texting away on my Blackberry, like always. This restaurant is the SHIT! Tell me that you don't get hungry looking at all that glorious food??

View the video direct from Fox News Website.

Me and Chef José Andrés FTW

Someone Is About to Change Their Facebook Status

To...In a relationship!!! And it's NOT me or Stiletto's my friends, it would be our very own Lilo! The same Lilo who has never technically been 'in a relationship' where you do things like go out in public, you know around and in front of other people and refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. I know what you're thinking, "WTF? Since when is Lilo even dating anybody?" Followed by "I just hope it's NOT the Random!" Well good news kiddies, it is NOT the Random!

Currently, there is a strictly enforced gag order on Lilo...and not in a choke me, spank me, pull my hair sort of way! Lilo has been gagged by her new boyfriend (ha! BOYFRIEND!) from blogging about him whatsoever. You see, new boyfriend has done his research on Lilo and that research included reading the entire blog. And while he found the blog to be incredibly entertaining and hilarious, he does not wish to become a character that we mock and talk about on the internets and Lilo is respecting his wishes.

Good thing I haven't been gagged! Ha ha! No but really, I'm going to refrain from blogging about him as well, except for today and that will be in the most general of ways. I mean otherwise people would just assume Lilo gave up sex and dome altogether, and now you know that is NOT the case! She is just going to refrain from discussing it, since someone has made an honest woman out of her and that is what LADIES do, they don't discuss these sort of things publicly. So with that, she is kissing her street cred goodbye and waving hello to legitimate human being status.

With that I would like to point out that this kid might be some sort of saint. Not only is he a really nice guy that a number of people would vouch for, but he's totally willing to put up with Lilo and he doesn't even consider it 'putting up with Lilo'. He's seen her in all her drunk, belligerent, pointing and snapping GLORY and has yet to even flinch like he's embarrassed or ashamed! In fact, he somehow totally gets her moods and is there to rub her shoulders and talk her down off of the ledge when she finds herself there. He also happens to LISTEN to things she says and generally has taken an interest in her life, and he REMEMBERS the things she tells him, which is really great because then she doesn't have to repeat herself again and again. She really hates repeating herself. He has woken up next to her and experienced her morning death glare first hand and he did not spontaneously combust. He also knows that her hair needs to "settle down" on it's own in the morning, and lets her know that he knows that when she wakes up looking a hot mess.

The last thing that probably sealed the deal for Lilo was this: He stocked the fridge with a 12 pack of Diet Pepsi. He also didn't even MENTION that he stocked the fridge with Diet Pepsi. What had happened was, I went to get a beer from the fridge and saw said 12 pack and of course mentioned it's existence to everyone. Neither him nor anyone else in his house even drink diet soda, he bought it so that Lilo would stay over and generally be tolerable in the morning. As you know Diet Pepsi is essential for Lilo's survival, as well as your being able to survive HER.

It looks like I have lost a soldier in my weekly cockhunting missions, but I couldn't be more happy to know that someone is making Lilo so totally "for the gays" and that she is not fake smiling! He like totally really likes her likes her.

When Trying to Decode Boys Leads to Disaster

After my date with Jason a few weeks ago, things have been anything but clear as to WTF is going on. We had a really great time, he made plans to hang out with me just two days after we went out, and then I never heard from him. I was seriously racking my brain, my friends brains, and anyone who would listen and possibly offer me some advice on the situation. I decided that if I did not hear from him by last Wednesday (5 days after our date and 3 days after we didn't hang out and I didn't hear from him) that I was going to call him.

Being the great listener that I am, I remembered he was having minor surgery on Thursday and I thought it would be nice to call and wish him luck, as well as try to feel him out on our situation. I also figured I would ask him whether he was going to Slap Chop's birthday (ShamWow's brother) on Saturday night, since I could potentially see him there and didn't want to be surprised.

I called him on my lunch break and surprisingly he answered the phone. He mentioned that he has been really busy working 13 and 14 hour days, but that he was really glad I called him. We talked about his surgery, he was surprised that I remembered and thought that was really sweet. +1 for me, right? He told me that aside from work in the morning, he was not busy at all on Saturday and said to tell ShamWow and Slap Chop that he would definitely be there for the birthday. He said he probably wouldn't do dinner but would most def join us back at the house for drinks and jacuzzi time. I told him I had to go back into the office and he said "I'll call you tomorrow after my surgery, if I'm feeling OK; otherwise I will FOR SURE call you on Friday and see you Saturday."

Thursday came and went. No phone call, e-mail, or FB contact made by him. Same story on Friday. Obviously on Saturday, I get the feeling he is going to flake and I run this by Lilo to let her know that sloppy joe will be joining us on Saturday night if he does in fact, flake. It's very important that Lilo knows these things in advance as she needs to prepare to deal with me and deal with others on dealing with me when my wheels come off. It's no easy task and I know Lilo speaks drunk better than anybody I know.

Saturday night we went to dinner where I drank two bottles of sake and some beer. I followed that up with a mystery drink at TGIFridays before heading over to the black hole, Slap Chop and ShamWow's house. At the black hole, I consumed who knows how many glasses of trashcan punch (which is basically a super strength Vodka Greyhound) and chilled out in the jacuzzi while answering questions about Jason's whereabouts. Slap Chop is a glorious AH just like Lilo and I and likes to push buttons when it comes to boys and things that absolutely embarrass us. So it was much appreciated when he asked 50 times "If I heard from Jason" as well as suggesting "I think we should call him. Have you called him yet? Let's call him."

Because calling Jason when I'm wasted in the jacuzzi is a great idea, no? Well thankfully I had half a brain and instead talked ShamWow into calling him, which she did and was sent to voicemail where she did not leave a message. Then, because I obviously wasn't satisfied with not hearing from Jason, Slap Chop talked me into letting him use my phone to call Jason himself, and that call went to voicemail as well, although Slap Chop left him a message wondering where he is and if he's coming over to partake in the mess that was this party.

Blah blah blah, drink bitch drink, the Ringleader runs to the bathroom and voms, repeatedly. Then lays out on the living room floor and waves the white flag while professing her hatred for Lilo (or so I hear). Lilo sees white flag but realizes that said waving of white flag is a trap of epic proportions and knows that the abuse will begin shortly. She inflated the airbed in the dining room next to the side door, throws some sheets, pillows and blankets on there and directs me lay there all while I am cursing obscenities at her, and she is most likely agreeing with me because she speaks drunk. She brings me a glass of water, I take a sip, lie down, only to get up walk out the side door and vom some more. Eventually I pass out but not before telling myself to remember that I hate Lilo and this is all her fault.

I woke up the next morning and had no idea where I was (the dining room area is not familiar to me) but then I looked over and saw Uncle Skid asleep on the couch in the other room and realized that I was still in the black hole, it sucks you in what can I say? I also remember that I hate Lilo and she is to blame, but don't know why?? Needless to say, I was a wasted drunken disaster and heard from a number of people that they have never seen me get that drunk before. The truth is, I really try to keep the wheels on somewhat and try not to subject people to my tirades other than Lilo, who understands and subjects me to the similiar ones.

As the rest of the weekend went on, we found out that one of Jason's friends committed suicide on Sunday and he was really upset about it. Well, I don't mean to be a dick BUT is that any excuse for NOT calling or showing up on Saturday? Also, it's not like HE called or told me what had happened, ShamWow found out from his sister who had also flaked on Saturday night and did not call us. Pattern here?? Maybe. Either way I had not heard from him at all. Aside from all of that, I also know that he is having some personal/family problems because my friends have clued me in, not because he has told me. So I technically have excuses for him but not FROM him which I can't even mention or say I understand he has a lot going on, because he hasn't told me that he has ANYTHING going on. Confusing to say the least.

Last night at 9:30pm I get a FB message from Jason that says: "Hay whats up sorry I didn't make it sat I had a terrible weekend but lets get together soon..."

Ignoring the fact that he writes HAY (as in for horses) and his lack of punctuation; Where in this message is any reason or explaination of WHY he didn't make it? Why would I assume that he has been doing anything other than blowing me off? Because technically or as far as he knows, I don't know about any of these things that have been going on with him and the reasons he had a terrible weekend, aside from the fact that he didn't see me, of course.

So I'm asking you guys for your help. Do I shake him off because he's obviously just not that into me? Or should I respond to his FB message and hope he offers some sort of explaination? If so, how long should I wait to reply to him? Or should I not respond and wait to see if he initiates contact again?

Friday Night Date - Repeat Business

Friday night was my date night with Jason, the tall boy I had mentioned last week in my blog about trying to date when you're a giant like myself. I figured I would wait until after our date to decide whether or not he was worth mentioning and before getting into detail about who he is/was, because who knows how things would go? As you may have guessed, Jason is a boy from my past, hence the title Repeat Business.

Long story short: My girl ShamWOW went to high school with Jason and introduced us when I was around 16/17. We "dated" which back then consisted of paging each other, talking on the phone, making out and meeting up at house parties to drink Cisco and a variety of premium 40oz malt liquor on the weekends. We had a lot of fun and eventually I gave it up, he was my first. Soon after, I started hanging with a different crowd of peeps I worked with and we lost touch. When I was around 19-20 we hooked up again for a series of late night booty calls and rendezvous in his jacuzzi aka the 'Tiki Tub' but nothing ever really evolved from it. We were both super busy with our lives, friends, and work and eventually we lost touch and I didn't hear from him or see him until we bumped into each other this year at ShamWOW's Superbowl party. It had been 10+ years since we last saw each other, we did some catching up at the party and before he left he got my number so we could go out soon and continue catching up.

We made the plan for Friday night and after much distress over what to wear I decided on this little number. A black low cut Rachel Pally dress and f*ck me boots. I looked like a bucket of tits you would want to motorboat and NOT just because I'm down 24 pounds on my diet but can I get a hells yeah for being down 24 pounds in 7 weeks?

He was in touch with me during the day and picked me up right on time. We went to a dive bar in the valley and he would not even let me pull out my wallet to pay for a single drink nor would he let me go to the bar when I needed a refill! It was a bonus since each time he got up to get me a refill, I was able to BBM all my friends and let them know the date was going really great. We spent 4 hours drinking and cuddled together in a booth talking about everything and anything that had been going on in the past 10 years. There was never a break in the conversation and NOT just because I don't ever shut the fuck up, he was actually doing most of the talking which was definitely different from the shy guy I knew before. It was awesome! To be honest, I didn't expect much from him and our date out, I thought it would be fun but I didn't think I would have as much fun as I did and I found myself getting kind of excited because of it.

The more we talked, the more we had in common. Everything from favorite foods, what morning radio show we listen to, the top 2 destinations we want to travel to most, to the type of dog he just got which happens to be my OMG FAVE dog aside from Spidey! We were both even in the same long term/living together relationships with significant others who didn't really have any friends, and not only that we both ended said relationships at the same time and jetted off to Vegas with our closest friends within weeks of the breakup. It was really easy to relate to one another about a number of things and I was really comfortable telling him things about my family and some of the more unfortunate things that happened which caused them to move to Colorado and it felt good to share.

As for the attraction and chemistry between us, it was definitely there, that hadn't changed. He was holding my hand or rubbing my leg while we were chatting and even kissed me a few times, it was really nice. Like I said, I didn't expect much from him and he really surprised me. It started getting late so we decided to head back to my place. On our walk to his car, he grabbed my hand and even walked me to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for me! I kept thinking WHO is this guy? I don't ever really remember him being this much of a gentleman, it was crazy but really refreshing and who am I kidding? I'm a girl and I loved it, seriously I was turning into a giant puddle of googly eyes and there wasn't much I could do to stop it.

Back at my place he got to meet the Gym Nazi who was waiting up for me to get home to reconvene about all details of the date. She totally loved him. He was really polite and chatted with her for a good 15 minutes before I started giving her looks that said 'time to go to bed Roomie!'

Obviously Jason and I got into a pretty gnarly makeout session and eventually that lead into the bedroom...and as much as I REALLY tried to NOT be a whore and have sex with him on the 1st date, I really didn't stand a chance at holding out! I mean the last time I had sex was in NOVEMBER with the Frenchie and besides, this was repeat business so I wasn't increasing my numbers, so why not? Although we have had sex before, it had been TEN YEARS since the last time and let me tell you something, in ten years we both had certainly learned a thing or two in the bedroom! It was REALLY GOOD, like way fucking better than I could have imagined! Familiar yet totally different and completely surprising. Immediately afterwards, he was asking what I was doing the remainder of the weekend and making plans to do something with me on Sunday!

He was also getting pretty comfortable in the tempurpedic, and since I can't verify that he is not accident prone, I basically said he couldn't stay. Well that and because I like the entire california king to myself, and he was housesitting/petsitting for a friend who's dog he needed to let out so he had to leave. Now this is where it gets TOTALLY corny and where I had to question multiple people to be sure he does NOT know about this blog or has heard anything about my previous posts. I walked him to the door, we kissed goodnight, and while we were hugging (which btw my head was totally buried in his chest because he is TALLER!) I said "You are so tall, God I love it!" And I shit you not he responded "Aight shawty, bye."

I was like WHAT? NO WAY!!! Remember last week when I said I wouldn't mind if someone referred to me as shawty but that has yet to happen??? How fucking coincidental is that?!?!

So basically, this kid gassed up my float for the hopes and dreams parade and in case you didn't know I'm the grand marshall this year.

Oh yeah, and I haven't heard from him since then. Sunday came and went and NO contact was initiated by him. I'm not making excuses for boys these days, I don't know what happened to him but I guess we'll see...

At least I got my mojo back and I am not all bummed out or anything, a bit disappointed but that is to be expected. I'm also actively going out with my single ladies each week trying to meet new boys and I just know my confidence level just keeps increasing with my weightloss and each new conquest!