You Are The Weakest Link...GOODBYE!

On my vacation to Jamaica I had an AMAZING time and will include some of the pics to PROVE IT!

When I wasn't playing beer pong,

running as fast as I could into the ocean (I think I twisted my ankle),

drinking,

doing cannon balls into the pool while fully clothed,

taking "questionable" pictures,

and going swimming @ 2 am - I was having FUN!!

After all, I paid for MY trip and I was going to be the one responsible for having or not having fun!

I ran into I was stalked by "TEXAS" who took my intoxication as a FREE PASS +1 point for Texas. Our FauxMance lasted only a day and a half and in that time, Texas spewed how beautiful I was, while I reciprocated how nice he was. I gave into the constant compliments and his determination but never thought...can a nerd be a player?? +1 point for Texas.

While his continuous invitations to go to the beach, the bar, and Margaritaville were inviting, I had to say "no." He did get a little butt hurt but thank GOD I read the book"Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man!" I stuck to my guns, I broke out with this line, and part of my dignity still clings to it "I'm going to be completely honest with you.. (if i ever start a line this way, duck, run, or jump) I might never talk to you again, and in a few months when ALL of my friends are reminiscing about all of the glorious stories of Jamaica, I don't want to hear about them! I want to be apart of them!" I'm not gonna lie, it felt great saying this to him... I had the ball... or BALLS in my court, right??

Apparently I have only seen previews to the movie "OUT OF SIGHT... (out of mind)" So, after I basically said he wasn't a priority, his eyes wandered...along with his mediocre face, bad clothes and horrific velcro sandals!!! Seriously, peep these sandals....WTF??????



So, since the trip consisted of 8 girls who are all assholes, you can bet I got shit from ALL of them for even talking to him! Oh and along with the cute guy next to me while I was playing beer pong who said to the Ringleader "Who's that douche your friend is with?" Besides 8 girls and a random dude, lets throw in the over weight security guard that also chimed in said "I'm not going to say anything, but are you REALLY with that guy??"

Needless to say, the fauxmance didn't last, and now I'm back home and thinking...
Why do I always lower my rate???? (per Miss Communication who advised us what lowering your rate means in the porn industry...)

Why do I keep these guys that I really don't even like, or care for around, and let them keep coming around??

When do I start deleting numbers off my phone???

Deleting "fauxs" from my facebook????

So, as I'm writing this blog I'm thinking about my next step, which is to go to facebook and DELETE...
and for those of you who are friends with me... look for my status....

ShamWOW is deleting ALL of the WEAKEST links.. GOODBYE!!!!

It's official, I'm a Used Ta

Once upon a time, I used ta be a friggin model skinny biatch who used ta gallivant around town wearing next to nothing and doing whatever the hell I pleased. I used ta have a sick a$$ body and I'd say that I had about a 12 year run of baring my midriff just about everyday. I for sure used ta think I was hot shit and apparently people used ta agree. Back in the day, it used ta be no problem to get any guy I wanted or just plain get whatever I wanted.

I mean how hard was it for me? When I walked it's like I was listening to Tupac's "I Get Around" in my head. Shoooot, I put my own spin on "Put a lil twist in her hips cause I'm watchin" cause at the time, they ALL used ta be watchin. The term 'shake it don't break it' meant absolutely nothing to me, in my eyes if you didn't break it you surely weren't gonna make it in my book! Well...that book was a book I USED TA write! These days things are so different! I mean, I would never even THINK about baring my midriff these days and lord knows I definitely don't have the same confidence I used ta have back then! Which brings me to my next question:

Is it better to have had your good years when it came to your looks and confidence earlier in life or later?

As much fun as it was, and believe me, I took FULL ADVANTAGE of what I was working with, I feel like all of the perks I used ta have and how easy things used ta be for me has totally jaded my point of view. I guess it's because I know what I am missing and NOT getting compared to what I was used ta. Does that even make sense? It's like flying first class. If you have never laid in a fully flat bed on an international flight, then you don't know what you're missing. You can just carryon flying coach and be uncomfortable but not really know the difference or know what you're missing. But once you cross over to the land of warm nuts, fresh baked cookies, extra room, and free flowing booze, how do you ever sit in coach and not long for the luxury of first class? The worst part about all of that is that no matter how hard I try to get into shape, I just can't get the body back that I used ta have and that totally depresses me.

Not that I would want to be 115 - 125 lbs again, I mean I was skinny and had had amazing abs, but to be honest, I prefer to have some curves. I would prefer NOT to have to wear maternity tops to cover my friggin muffin top popover! WTF happened to my metabolism? It was ROCKIN until I was 23, once I turned 23 my metabolism took a permanent leave of absence! While I have lost a considerable amount of weight in the past 5 months and everyone keeps saying how great I look, I just keep comparing myself to how I used ta be. I used ta LOVE bikini shopping! I mean any bikini I put on used ta look great on me, and now I want to do anything BUT go shopping for a bikini which is kind of a problem considering I leave for Jamaica in EIGHT days and really need to pick up a few more bikini's.

Needless to say, I am going to keep working towards my goal of losing another 20 pounds. I don't know if I will get there, but I just need to work at it while working on accepting the fact that I am officially a used ta...for now.

And just because I love to torture myself, here are some pics of when I used ta be able to wear whatever the hell I wanted to.

Back when I used to make out with soap opera actors and when I used to have no popover belly:

Always rockin the bare midriff

Skinny Biatch (and I don't want to hear it about my awesome Doc Martin's)