I'm going to start off with saying WHAT A WEEKEND! Friday night was ShamWow's dirty 30th birthday party and it was OFF THE HOOK and we will so totally get to that by way of a blog soon! In addition to her birthday soiree, we managed to score invites to TWO themed parties in one night that we just could not miss...
The 90's Themed 30th Birthday Party at the 90210 Beach House:
Does it get ANYMORE 90's than a party at the 90210 beach house of Donna Martin and Kelly Taylor?? Didn't think so! When my boy G-Money hit me up about this party, I pretty much said 'sign me up' while writing my signature in the air. If only I held onto my cross colours jeans or my babydoll dresses with my Doc Marten's...I would have had the perfect 90's outfit!
My friend G tells me that I might know the girl who's renting the house (who's 30th bday it is) because she went to high school with us and was a grade below, but I had no idea who she was. Of course I was still going to the party because obviously I'm not going to miss out on 90's photoshoots at the beachhouse! So ShamWow, The Gym Nazi, and I show up to the party in 90's gear with a huge bottle of vodka in hand and don't recognize ANYONE. We finally find G-Money and being polite, I ask him who the birthday girl is so we can wish her a happy birthday and thank her for having us at her party...BIG MISTAKE!
We follow G and he introduces us to the birthday girl and I say "Hi Jenny, I'm the Ringleader. Happy 30th Birthday!" and give her a hug that lasted FAR TOO LONG because she WOULD NOT LET GO! She then says to me (in front of everyone) "Oh I know you, you probably don't remember me because I was a really big nerd in high school and you were cool and ran with the cool crowd...but I'm a year younger than you."
What. The. Fuck. What do you say to that? Like I'm sorry you were a nerd? Sorry we didn't have sleepovers and TP the boys houses late at night while giving ourselves pedicures and discussing who would be our date to the vice-versa dance? Who cares!
I say to her "I'm sure you weren't a really big nerd, we probably just had different interests and hung around different people. The important thing is that we're here and it's your birthday! Let's party and have a good time!" --->This is me trying to smooth things over while feeling embarrassed that this broad is calling me out on my status 13 years ago!
She can't leave well enough alone so she follows up with "No, I was a really big nerd...I was in the band. Don't feel weird I mean you ran with the right crowd so it's all good."
Um, awkward PARTY OF ONE! No joke I was shocked, who does that? So G, ShamWow, the Gym Nazi and I sit down and discuss who this chick is and I'm asking G like WTF? Did you get that speech about being part of the cool crowd? He goes "Oh no, she gave you that one?? Yeah I have heard that before..."
How about a warning G? Yo you're not going to remember this girl but say you do and you remember her from the band or she is going to go put you on blast by way of a 15 minute speech of how high school politics and lack of popularity ruined her life! I mean I had a lot of friends but I certainly wouldn't consider myself as popular, I mean I was never the Homecoming/Prom Queen. What the hell?
So we're chillin in the corner and I'm drinking and smoking a joint and here comes the birthday girl. We tell her to sit down and are asking her if she's having a good birthday, you know being really nice and we're having a conversation and this broad just can't quit! She brings it up AGAIN and this time she let's it drop that I was a "MEAN GIRL and obviously you STILL are running with the right crowd because you brought Kelly Taylor (ShamWow) with you." Well of course I can't help but laugh because it's pretty ironic, no? She goes I mean you were the girl that we would say you're so pretty and you would say "Thanks." WTF is she talking about?? I don't ever recall any of this??
At this point I'm getting pissed because I really wasn't mean to nerdy girls in high school. I was mean to the bitchy girls or the girls with whom I was competing for a guy with, but that's it. I think at this point ShamWow notices that I'm about to say something so she jumps to my defense and says "Ya she might have hung around with the cool people but what does that mean? She was getting into trouble....** COUGH COUGH ** WHORE! You didn't really want to hang out with her, did you??"
Thank God she broke it up with the cough, cough, WHORE! When in doubt just cough and blend a WHORE into a conversation because that was actually funny and true! It also seemed to chill me out long enough to laugh at ShamWow who took being called 'Kelly Taylor' as a compliment and didn't see it as a bitchy comment. I mean who didn't want to be Kelly Taylor? But I'll be Goddamned if I'm going to be the Brenda cough cough WHORE of the group! I just can't seem to get over how weird it was to be dressed all 90's, at a party with people I saw regularly in the 90's, and then having to defend myself for being myself to a person who's opinion didn't matter to me! Talk about dejavu or feeling like I was in the twilight zone!
So we decided to sneak the hell out of that party and move onto the jungle savage themed party in Redondo Beach that Suzy Q put together, in hopes of meeting some hot dudes!
After a quick costume change in the car, all of us ladies put on some animal print and met up with the hottness that was Suzy Q who looked WAY more jungle savage theme than we did! Unfortunately, we didn't really meet any interesting hot boys but we did meet some super cool ladies (who happened to be fans of the late night 4th meal) who kept us talking and entertained the rest of the night! At least it wasn't a total loss and we had fun!
I'll be honest, it's getting tough going out so often and trying to meet new people, but what else are we going to do? ShamWow, Gym Nazi, and myself are as single as one gets and we're just not meeting quality randoms at bars or restaurants or anything. We all figure that our only hope is meeting someone through a friend or their friends and it's hard to be social or in the mood to be social all of the time, ya know? Anyways, thank you Suzy Q, we had fun and I can't wait for the next party!
Gym Nazi was pretending she was hooking like "Pretty Woman" I think...
Me and the FAB bucket of tits that is Suzy Q
